Home Sick Already?

Here's the most recent pic of myself and my granny. She is my hero and my rock. I am going to miss her the most.

Ok so today it hit me. 17 days left. Wow is that all? I guess when you make a decision like this and act so quickly how could the whole process not go quickly? Today I met one of my co-workers grandma and it made me almost cry. I really had to fight tears. I was thinking about how realistically, I have no idea when I will see my grandma after I leave. I know we will try and visit but airfare inst cheap.

I will never forgive myself if something happens to her and Im not here. Ugh this is the part I wasn't looking forward to. I understand that she has family here but really I am the only who takes care of her, she takes care of everyone else. Today isnt a good day for me. I know what I am doing is the right choice and that my grandma supports me 100% but today I feel like I am going to leave CA and never see her again. I hope this feeling passes quickly.

I have so much left to do and no time. My weekends are full and the boxes at the apt are empty, I am going to need a vacation after all this. I hope I can get excited for the road trip, Hubby is beyond excited. Who knew you could be home and be home sick!? I sure didnt.

What A Weekend

Joanie "is to tired to function today." That's all I could manage to get my facebook status to read today. Packing is a lot of work. I am so attached to everything in my apartment that I NEVER ever want to give things up and that is just batty. I grew up knowing that money doesnt grow on trees so anything that I have purchased I feel is really important since money was spent on it my hubby is showing me that its ok to let go of the ripped jeans that I havent worn in 2 years or the pencil box from 1st grade since its cracked in like 4 places.

I guess its more emotional attachment then anything so I made a pact with hubs I would only allow myself 2 boxes for clothes and 1 box for misc personal stuff. (i dont have a hope chest or anything so this is like that) whatever doesnt fit into those boxes I will sell at our garage sale. Part of me was fine with this thinking that if it doesnt sell I can always just bring it back home and pack it up and take it to VA but my smart hubs thought of that two . He also made me promise that if it doesnt sell at the garage sale then we had to donate it. YIKES. So wow I really have to give up this stuff for good? This is going to be hard. I can do it though.

To ensure that I dont keep anything extra that will just collect dust I have been taking all garage sale items to my grandmas where the sell will be so its out of sight and out of mind. I hope with everything else going on I will forget about these things. Who knew packing up your entire life into boxes could be so hard. As I have said before Ive never been far from home so I think really this is just that manifesting itself. This weekend I have my last girls night planed before we move. We are also having a bbq with all out close friends. It will be bitter sweet for sure.

I cannot beleive we are 18 days from the biggest move of my life.

3 Day Weekend

So I just got word that I have tomorrow off thanks to the 4th. I am going to sleep in. I have yet to really let things sink in that I am leaving, not just a vacation but really leaving for good to live somewhere new. I think tomorrow will be a great time to reflect.

I have no idea where to start so I think I will start with the office area this way I can start packing and separating things out from the stuff we want to sell. I hope we can make an extra couple $100's. We are going to use that as our fun $. Especially when we get to Chi Town. I really wanna explore the place cuz theres no telling when we will ever get back there and of course 3 days in new york we will need some spending cash. I just wish I knew exactly when we would get to NY so I could get Mets Tickets for DH. Oh well I hope they are in town when we are there and not on an away game.

There are a few things that wont go in the moving truck things like photo albums and other sentimental items that will go in the car with us. The things that I will never forgive myself for losing.

I just realized yesterday that DH and I will be on the road on our 1 yr annivery. That is kind of exciting to see where we will be and celebrate wherever we are.

I will keep everyone posted on how packing goes.

Today's checklist:
Tivo on hold. Acutally I called and told them I wanted to cancel and they were able to give me 4 months free if I didnt cancel. This is perfect becuase we dont loose all our saved shows this way.

PGE Canceled as of the 28.

Calling ATT at lunch time.

We already have a moving truck for the 22nd, put in our apt 30 day notice and I only have 7 more business days at work. I cannot beleive this is happening so fast!

Why we are Moving Across the Country

So the time has come for Rick and I to pack up and move to VA. To be honest when I made the promise 3 years ago I didnt think I would actually keep it. When we 1st started dating we did 9 months of long distance and I was over it. I asked him to come be with me in Cali so I could get some sleep to finish school. We had never lived together and we were so new in our relationship who knew if we would make it or not. I told him if we moved to be with me that within 5 years I would go back to VA with him.

My hubby is amazing and never complains about anything. I however, am just the opposite. I am over worked and under paid and work in a pretty stressful job to say the least one that after 2 1/2 year am no longer in love with. My family isnt big on holidays or get togethers at all. Which with Ricks family is just the opposite they will get together for any and everything. I could really see this past holiday season how sad my hubby was since he was yet again missing Christmas with his family and it didnt help that for both thanksgiving and Christmas we sat at home alone. Even I was a bit sick of it.

So I secretly started to see what it would cost to move. I wanted to make my hubby happy and I knew we could have a better life in VA. Things cost less and we could actually afford a bigger place. The average 3 br in VA is $700. Out here we have a TINY 1 br that cost $875 and that is cheap. I am sick of living pay check to pay check. I know that when the time comes to have kids I will want to own a home which is something we could never afford here. I found out how much we would need and started to save.

In May I let my hubby in on my idea about moving. He didnt beleive me. The reason, well I've never been away from home for more then a week or two. I have abandonment issues (THANKS Mom!) and so I never wanted to be far from my grandma. However, since I got married I was bigger then myself I knew I need to do what would be best for my husband and our future kids. I told hubby I was serious and lets make a budget and see how well we can stick to it to see if saving was possible. We cut down on EVERYTHING and were able to save $400 our 1st month. It was very encourging. We set a move date for March 2010. We were going to keep it from everyone incase it didnt work out and we wouldnt want to disapoint anyone especially his family who misses him so much.

So here we are middle of June and I cannot take things anymore between my family and Job I need out. I start looking for a new job and sent out over 20 resumes and got nothing back. I felt hopeless. I had been slipping into depression for a while and spent most of my weekends in bed not doing anything. I could see the toll it was taking on my home, marriage and life. I didnt know what to do I needed out. So I went and talked to my grandma and she gave me the words and advice I needed to make a decision to move as fast as we could.

The means were there so we decided to up and move. We decided on Wednesday June 24th that we wanted to move and the next day I quit my job (put in my 2 weeks), hired a moving truck and over the weekend I told my entire family I was leaving. Most understood and were sad but happy. My selfish mom however tried to break me down I did my best to get away unharmed but words hurt as much as knives. I know I am doing the right thing.

We have offically set our move date for July 26th. I know it is very sudden but I fear if we wait any longer I will loose my nerve. I am half excited and half FREAKED out! I am so thankful to have friends that support and understand what I go though that can say that moving is the perfect thing for my hubby and I. I know the people who matter will keep in touch but I have this sinking feeling I will never make it back to cali.

Ive never had a close family so It will be really neat to experience this with Rick's family and see what one is really like. I just hope I fit in well enough and am happy in VA. I cannot beleive in less then a month I will live on the other side of the country. I really hope I am making the right decision.